Begin with something you are curious about.
Pick one or two questions to ask while you are spending time together. You might be surprised by a detail from your childhood or by how differently they remember a familiar family story.
Choose the questions that fit your relationship and leave the rest for another time. If you would like to record, ask first and explain who you hope to share it with.
Life before our family
- What did your life look like in the year before you became a parent?
- What did you imagine your future family would be like?
- What parts of your life did you want to keep once you had children?
- Was there something you hoped to do before starting a family?
- What did you want to bring into our family from your own upbringing?
- Was there anything you wanted to do differently from how you were raised?
Becoming a parent
- How did you feel when you knew you were going to become a parent?
- What do you remember about when I first came into your life?
- What surprised you most about caring for a child?
- Who did you turn to for support as a new parent?
- Was there a moment when being a parent started to feel real?
- What did you worry about then that seems less important now?
The family life I was too young to notice
- What was a typical day like for you when I was little?
- What did you and I enjoy doing together that I might not remember?
- Was there a family routine that took more work than I realized?
- What did you look forward to once I was asleep?
- Which things did you hope I would remember about growing up?
- Is there a funny family moment you think I have forgotten?
Getting to know each other as adults
- What do you think I understand better about you now than when I was younger?
- What do you wish I had known about you when I was growing up?
- What has changed most about how we spend time together?
- What would you like us to make more time for together?
- Is there an interest of yours you would like to share with me?
- What would you like our relationship to look like as we both get older?
Stay with the answer that interests you.
If they remember something you did together, ask them to tell you more about that day. If their answer surprises you, ask what it was like from their side. You do not need to move to the next question just because it is on the list.
Useful follow-ups include “What happened next?”, “Who was there?”, and “What do you remember most about that?” Leave time for an answer. A pause does not mean the conversation has finished.
Save a story, if they want you to.
With their permission, record a short answer and give it a title you will recognize later, such as “Dad remembers our bedtime routine” or “Mum on becoming a parent.” Ask before sending a copy to anyone else.
You can also use these questions for your own memories. Recording your answer today gives your family a chance to hear your side of the story.